The new vision and new life you want to create for yourself will only happen when you let go of your last life. If you are hanging out with people who hold you back, then you need to let them go. I understand that they might be people you love, but if you want to make your vision happen then you need to make that sacrifice. You will make new relationships that will help move you forward, but you can’t do that until you let go of the other relationships.
“We can’t choose our family, but we can choose our friends.” You have probably heard that phrase before, and it is 100% true. When you have chosen your friends, you have chosen them because of their character (who they are) and because of your character (who you are).
I know I have chosen friends who are like me, and our relationships have strengthened. But I have also had to let some of those relationships go because they were not helping me move on in my life, and I wasn’t helping them move forward in their life either.
1. Making Decisions
Before that night in 2011 when I went out drinking with my cousin, having a drink on a work night wasn’t a big deal to me or the friends that I had grown up with in Liverpool.
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But, when I decided to stop going out drinking on a work night from that point on, I needed to distance myself from people who I built up a relationship with to go out drinking. I needed to make some sacrifices and change my life.
At the time, I was living in Edinburgh in Scotland, and I was working for the Scottish Train Operating Company. My cousin lived in Edinburgh, and I knew that if I were to stay in Edinburgh then he would be doing his best to get me out on a work night drinking again many times in the future.
Not because he is a bad person, but because that was the lifestyle, we both had. I had to change mine. So, I made the decision to take up the same role in the business I worked in, but in a different city in Scotland. I decided to move to Glasgow.
This decision was not easy because before I moved to Edinburgh, I hadn’t really seen my cousin Adam for several years, and we re-kindled our relationship again. But if I was going to change my life then I needed to make this change of living location in Glasgow.
Being honest, I didn’t completely cut out the work night going out in Glasgow because of what the city is like (it is very similar to my hometown Liverpool). But I didn’t drink, so I knew I was able to go into work the next day fully refreshed and hangover free.
2. Working On Yourself
I was working on myself, reading leadership and personal growth books, and I was constantly thinking about how I could become an author, speaker, and coach, just like the people who I followed online. I didn’t want to just drift through life in any old way, I wanted to help others to become successful.
This would in turn make me successful. But, for me to do this, I needed to make another big change. I was becoming different to my friends and the people I was hanging out with. I was deliberately growing in a certain direction, and I couldn’t have anything or anyone holding me back.
If we want to attract excellence into our lives and build relationships with highly effective leaders and people, then we need to let go of the relationships we currently have that are holding us back.
To become YOUR BEST YOU and transform into a highly effective leader and person, then we must have the desire to be around highly effective leaders and people.
3. People We Hang Out With
If we want to grow into a highly effective leader and person, then we need other highly effective leaders and people to help us and show us the way.
If you have not fully let go of the pat relationships that are holding you back, then when you want to start attracting people who are at a higher level than you, it will be difficult to build a relationship and maintain it.
The reason for that is, these people will realise that you are not fully there, and your awareness is not the same level as theirs. So, if you want to surround yourself with highly effective leaders and people, I need to stress to you that the relationships you have that are holding you back must be let go of.
Highly effective leaders and people will see and feel that you are not willing to build a strong relationship with them because of the relationships you still have in your life.
It is possible to build an on again/off again relationship with highly effective leaders and people, but that is not going to work long term.
You may have friends who want to grow and develop themselves in the same way you are, but it’s highly likely that they won’t, so they won’t be able to help you. As I keep saying, they will only hold you back when you are trying to move forward.
We become the average of the five people we hang out with the most, so who do you want to hang out with the most, highly effective leaders and people or friends who hold you back?
That question is not easy to answer, I know that because I’ve been in this position myself, and I have no doubt that I will be again in the future.
When you think about it, it’s common sense to end a relationship with a friend who is holding you back. But it’s not common practice because it is very difficult to do.
4. Change
Change in human beings is a slow process, it is not something that you can do overnight, and ending relationships with people who have been close to you is a huge change. So, you must do it slowly and be patient with it.
Starting a new relationship with a highly effective leader or person is also a huge change, so again it will need to be done slowly with patience.
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When going through this huge change, it takes a process, and most people are not willing to go through this process:
- You have not made any major change or transformation to yourself at this stage, but you do have the desire to go through that change. So, it is up to you to make the decision to end the relationship with people who like who you are today, not who you want to become.
- You must be deliberate and strong in being alone for a period of time while you are making the necessary changes to yourself. You will be in a period of limbo where you have ended relationships, but you have not yet fully forged new relationships with the new highly effective leaders and people you want to surround yourself with.
- As I said earlier, it takes patience to attract highly effective leaders and people with a strong character. You have not yet developed the same level character as a highly effective leader or person, and you won’t meet them until you do develop their level of character. So, you need to work on yourself every day to get there.
With patience comes the resistance of taking a step backwards to your old relationships that you decided to end in step 1 above.
If you are not attracting the kind of people you want to surround yourself in step 3, then you haven’t done enough work in step 1 or step 2. IT is hard work, and for you to attract highly effective leaders and people into your life then you need to do the work.
You want to create a better life for yourself through your vision for the future. So, ask yourself, “Who do I need to surround myself with to help me create this better life and bring my vision to a reality?” I bet your answer is not going to be, “The people who hold me back and don’t want me to create a better life.”
I welcome hearing how this post has influenced the way you think, the way you lead, or the results you have achieved because of what you’ve learned in it. Please feel free to share your thoughts with me by commenting below.
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All the best,
