Who we hang around with the most will either help you succeed or help you fail. Be sure to get the right help.

When you think of your friends, have you ever wondered why they are your friends? Do you see yourself in them, and do they see themselves in you? Basically, you are who you attract. Have you heard the phrases “like attracts like” or “kindred spirits?” That is basically who your friends are.

1. Who You Are

It is exactly the same with the people who you associate with in work. Do you see yourself in them, and do they see themselves in you?

What team are your work associates on? What kind of team players are your work associates? What type of people are they; disruptive, slackers, or do they make a difference? Do they help you and encourage you? Do they hold you back?

It’s important that you associate with the right people, because everybody can see it.

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If you are seen to be disruptive at work and you associate with disruptive people, then that will be noticed by EVERYONE. If you are seen to slack off and try to get away with as little work as possible and you associate with the slackers, then that will also be seen by EVERYONE.

If you are seen to make a real difference at work and you associate with others that make a difference, then that will be seen by EVERYONE. You cannot get away with anything at work, EVERYTHING will be noticed. So the question is “Who do you associate with?”

If you’re reading this article and thinking to yourself that you can be disruptive and so can your associates, or you are a slacker and so are your associates, then don’t worry. To change yourself from either being disruptive or slacking to a difference maker, then you have to be honest with yourself.

2. Being Honest With Yourself

Do you enjoy being disruptive, or do you value that you can get away with doing as little as possible? If you do, then you cannot change. You must value making a difference, not only at work, but in the world.

What do you think of others who really work hard to make a difference in the world? What do you think of their friends and associates?

It is very possible to change your associates from the disruptive or slacking kind, to a difference maker. You just need to sell yourself and convince the group of difference makers that you too are a difference maker, and that you value making a difference.

The only way to prove that is by taking action, and showing them, not just telling them. Actions speak louder than words.

The people I try to always associate with are highly effective people. They are difference makers, leaders, hard workers, helpful, encouraging, inspiring, and motivating.

The reason I associate with them is because I want to be that type of person. Have you heard the phrase “You become the average of the five people we associate with”? I believe it to be true.

Think of how your friends and associates dress. How do they act? How do they talk? What do they say? What do they believe in? Can you see yourself in all of these traits?

I can see myself in all of my friends and associates, that’s why they are a huge part of my life and they make me happy. Do you feel the same way about your friends and associates?

Do they influence you in a positive way? Do they help you and encourage you to stay on the right direction on your journey? Do they enhance your life?

Who do you pay attention to? The wrong people can cost us dearly

Before I started mentoring the engineer who confronted me and made life difficult, he was associating with disruptive people. It was easy to see from his demeanor and behaviour that he was enjoying being disruptive.

Following my chat with him and his decision to change, he stopped associating with those people and looked for new associates.

3. Take The Time

When you start to look for new people to associate with, it does take some time. So, you might find yourself associating with only yourself for a while. Ensure during that time when on your own that you do not default back to your old associates, you MUST leave those people behind if you want to change.

What is good about associating with yourself is, you will have time to work on yourself and develop. Then by the time you want to interact with difference makers and high impact people, you will have developed and learned new values that are similar to theirs.

So it is important to be on your own for a little while at first.

It can be difficult to just associate with yourself and be on your own for a while, but I promise you things will get better when you associate with new people. Especially high impact people.

The engineer I mentored used his break times and lunch times to work on himself when at work. Then after a while when he felt himself changing, he was enjoying it.

He had a new purpose in his life, and it was a purpose that he chose himself, I only offered encouragement. He did not share his purpose to anyone until he was absolutely on the right direction and on his journey to changing for the better.

When he finally shared his new purpose to everyone and let people know that he was now working on himself with guidance from me, people started to take notice. They saw that he was a changed man, and that he had something to prove to himself, to his team, to his new associates and to his leaders.

When I first left Liverpool and went to Scotland as a production manager, I was part of a team who by job description and job title should have automatically been a difference maker and a high flyer. However, that wasn’t the case.

There were two members of the production management team who were slackers, and tried to get away with as little as possible. They would even blame other members of the team for things that they did themselves.

4. People Who Help You

So, I made the quick decision to not associate with those two members, and instead associate with people who were more like me and would help me.

At first, I was based in Edinburgh in their train depot for two years, and then I changed over to the more prestigious depot with the newer train fleets in Glasgow. The influence I had on my colleagues was working, and increasing to the rest of the engineering team in a different city.

Looking back at that time in Scotland, if I had associated with the two disruptive production managers then I may not be where I am now. I may still be in the same job, just getting away with what I could, with no influence on the team, my peers or my leaders.

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If you are an ambitious person and you want to climb the ladder in your business or organisation, then take a real hard look at the people you associate with. If you are the average of the five people you associate with the most, how does that look?

If you want to make a difference and you implement what I am sharing in my articles, then you may (or may not) want to rethink who you associate with.

It’s a shame, but the people we associate with the most, are usually the people who are talking us out of things, or trying to change our mind on things, and holding us back.

As part of your personal growth and development, it will be an achievement to stop associating with those closest to us if they are the ones holding us back. If you want to stay on the right direction towards your journey, then the people you take with you MUST be the right people.

It is very difficult to change people, but it is a lot easier to change THE people.

I welcome hearing how this post has influenced the way you think, the way you lead, or the results you have achieved because of what you’ve learned in it. Please feel free to share your thoughts with me by commenting below.

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All the best,

Tom (Lead, Grow, Influence)